So here I am again, typing in the middle of the night because yet again Shayne has pissed me off. You know, I thought that there was hope, I thought that maybe he would want to stay, want to work things out and maybe actually love me like he acts like he does when he’s drunk.
Because I apparently asked someone if they wanted to see my vagina when I was drunk. Now, given that maybe if it was someone who I knew was single and not after anyone, then maybe I may have jokingly said it. But even as drunk as I was, and fully knowing that a close girlfriend of mine brought this guy along, why the HELL would I do something like that?
I mean, I fell asleep on the toilet, drunk called Rob and almost hit Shayne, but say that to someone who I know my girlfriend is interested in? NO WAY!
I remember saying something along the lines of her being interested in him, and maybe the word vagina was in there, but I most definitely did not ask him if he wanted to see mine. NO!
But is anyone going to believe me? No. Because they’ve banded together and decided to be mad at me together.
Yay! I’m back in high school.
I was told to have fun, I tried. I took it a little overboard, and I am sorry for that, but no one wants to hear sorry, they just want to continue to tell me how ‘stupid’ and loud and obnoxious I was. Truth be told, I put the quotations around stupid because when I made those decisions, I thought I was being mature about them. I was loud, I was obnoxious and I tried to separate myself from the situation so not to make things worse, but in doing that, I did make things worse.
(And having some random high school friend butt in didn’t help)
I really didn’t realize I had fallen asleep on the toilet and was gone for 25 minutes. I also hadn’t realized that when I left, I was gone for more than an hour. I was intoxicated to the point where I didn’t have a sense of time. But I sure as hell remember what I said and what happened.
There were a lot of stupid decisions made that night, and they weren’t just from me.
If you’re reading this, I am sorry. I said fuck you because I was mad that you told me to have fun and then you were the one yelling at me the most. I tried so hard not to cause ‘drama’ when I inadvertently did. I tried to come to your house to apologize in person because I knew you wouldn’t answer your phone and probably wouldn’t talk to me for a while. I didn’t want things to get so bad with you and Shayne. I’m not Carlene, and don’t want to separate a friendship like yours. I didn’t realize you two were talking and I only wanted two minutes to apologize.
I do adore you, and do hope that you’ll forgive me, but I will understand if you don’t.
On another note, I called my friends out on their lack of friendship recently. One of them called me out on being busy all the time, and that set me off. The other realized it and went for coffee with me, and another was completely clueless of anything. It pisses me off when even my best friends don’t know what’s going on with me because they don’t care to ask.
Also, my best friend is moving to South Dakota to live with her boyfriend…. now, don’t get me wrong, he seems like a great guy but the last time I talked to her she was just buying a one way ticket and hadn’t decided anything yet. The other day, she puts up a status and that’s how I find out her final decision. I understand I haven’t seen her, but seriously, she couldn’t have let me know over text? Or at least not a week before she’s leaving? I’m a little bit pissed off actually, because now EVERYONE is leaving for school and I literally have my mom and thats it.
I’m also moving home, but that’s a whole other rant :(
So, there comes a point in life where you find yourself put in a bunch of situations that just don’t sit well with you. You know what you have to do, but you just made those decisions and if you back out now you could lose some respect.
One year ago, I never would’ve had the courage to say no and that I was okay with where I am, but today. TODAY I am making some changes to my life that I should’ve made a long time ago.
Last week I committed to a second job from a previous employer only to find that schedules would be right fucked all the time.
Last week I committed to being a full time nanny while working two jobs and going to school so I could live rent free.
A month ago I committed to living with my ex-boyfriend for 3 months with no proper time to grieve and give him complete privilege to my car.
Not today mutha fuka!
Today I am resigning from my second job so that my schedules are better.
Today I am telling my girlfriend that I will not be a full time nanny, but that twice a week I will watch her wee ones.
I will also tell my primary job that I have this commitment and they will respect it.
Today I will tell my ex-boyfriend that he needs to treat me with more respect for allowing him the use of my vehicle so that he can not only get around, but get to and keep his job.
Yesterday I threatened to leave him with nothing, and he called my bluff. Today he treats me as a friend. He knows I can destroy him - though I never could - many find no reason for me to take such care.
I am strong. I am proud. I am a woman, and by god I am making some decisions today!
I don’t know about you guys but I am psyched to get an education, woo. This year is a hella important year for me because if I don’t finish this school year with five As then I am a dead man walking, you get me? So this started off as a collection to help me get those fabulous As but I thought, what the hell? I’ll share this perfection with everyone else because sharing is caring. Anyways, down to the nitty gritty
001. CALEDONIA’S DECLASSIFIED SCHOOL SURVIVAL GUIDE
- advice for college
- how to survive in college
- how to survive freshmen year of high school
- college packing list
- alternative to buying expensive textbooks
- dorm room survival
- free online college courses
002. WRITE LIKE A FUCKING ANGEL
- the ultimate guide to writing
- how to write well
- how to write an essay
- how to write a good essay
- the five paragraph essay
- deadly sins checklist
- formatting your paper
- tips on getting started
- seven tips to become a better writer (stephen king)
- four ways to have confidence in your writing
- seven ways to speed up your writing
- five ways to add sparkle to your writing
- how to finish what you started: a five step plan for writers
- thirty-one ways to find inspiration for your writing
- tips for dealing with writer’s block
003. READING ISN’T ONLY FOR NERDS AND FANGIRLS
- how to take care of your books
- how to read shakespeare
- no fear shakespeare (i found this incredibly useful when studying macbeth!)
- one hundred most read books
- how to read difficult books
- how to read faster
- books made into movies
- books made into tv shows
- 350+ free ebooks
004. STUDY MOTHER FUCKER
- studying tips
- studying techniques
- how to pull an all-night and still have a successful exam result
- how to get motivated to study
- tips to help you concentrate
- time management tips
- chrome site blocker
005. LEARNING SHIT
- solve any maths equations: 1, 2.
- when your teacher says not to use wikipedia (an alternative)
- square root calculator, cube root calculator
- for when you can’t do your homework
- chemical equation balancer (what got me through chemistry last year)
- cliffnotes, sparknotes
- college courses
- how to: multiply big numbers
- crash courses (youtube)
- teaches you everything
006. PRESENTING YOUR BEAUTIFUL SCHOOL WORK AY
007. USEFUL WEBSITES BECAUSE THE INTERNET IS A WONDERFUL PLACE /SOMETIMES/
- TED (basically gods gift)
- challenge your brain
- feed the hungry and up your vocabulary game
- free online textbooks
- final grade calculator
- a whole page dedicated to studying and organising
008. MUSIC TO CALM DOWN UR SCHOOL DAY BLUES YO
- a really chill playist
- coffee shop blues
- coffee shop sounds
- calm nature sounds
- concentration/focus playlist
- relaxation is key
- four hours of classical music
- playlists to listen to: xxx, xxx, xxx, xxx, xxx, xxx, xxx, xxx, xxx, xxx, xxx, xxx.
009. ALL THIS STUDYING??? YOU NEED A BREAK, MY FRIEND.
- watch a cute ass dog lick your screen
- one hundred thousand stars
- movies masterpost
- foreign movies
- gay movies
- lesbian movies you should definitely watch
- broadway musicals
- LGBT+ books
- download free books
- read any book
- the best masterpost ever if you’re bored
010. TIPS FOR SCHOOL N STUFF BCUS I WANTED TEN BITS
- try your best. not everyone can get all As, and getting all As does not make you better than everyone else. just do the best you can and be the best person you can be.
- don’t sleep in class! i know it seems so so tempting but slept my way through geography last year and i got a C in my exam instead of the expected A so…
- Don’t tick off your teacher, follow the rules to an extent, get to class on time, respect your classmates and teachers. you know, just be a decent person.
- be positive!!! and not just for the first week or so, keep the positivity going throughout the whole school year. if you don’t believe in yourself then why should anyone else?
- "you can do it, wildcat, i believe in u" — something troy bolton said one time probably definitely